Severe Cramps Cause Concern for Pregnant Britney Spears

Pregnant pop star Britney Spears had a bit of a scare recently after suffering from pregnancy related cramps.

There were similar problems during her first pregnancy.

More...

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Spears Has A Perfect Belly

If you want to join Harper readers in their stretch-mark-free fantasy world, look here. I really think the airbrushing and digital altering of postpartum celebrities contributes to the epidemic of teen pregnancies.

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

The Awesome Marriage of Kevin and Britney

I have an 'awesome' marriage. When either one of us goes out on errands alone, neighbors ask us where our 'sweety' is.

Kevin and Britney haven't been seen together for almost 80 days. Britney told Matt Lauer that her marriage is awesome. Britney blames her emotional state and every public misstep on the media.

My advice to Britney; there are 50 states and LA is only in one of them...MOVE.

More...

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Oops, I did it Again...

I got the focus of last week's Britney news totally wrong. Everyone else was talking about Britney almost falling down with Sean in her arms. And I didn't even use the word 'oops' in my story.

I will try to redeem myself. Salon reports that immediately after her stumble with a drink glass in one hand and a baby in the other, Britney exclaimed "This is why I need a gun."

Given the fact that she had her beverage in one hand and her spawn in the other, maybe it should have been "This is why I need a gun, and a third arm."

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Spears is Pregnant Again, Officially

Britney Spears made a 'suprise' announcement on David Letterman's show. Remember last month when I posted an entry announcing that Britney was pregnant? Yeah, that's the big news.

I'm using the wrong picture because it looks really good.

More...

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Spears Did 'IT' Again, And Conception Was The Result

It is being widely reported today that Britney Spears is pregnant with her second child. The source being quoted is actually saying that she is 100% pregnant. This stupid statement clearly comes from a close friend of the pop star.

More...

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Spears' Son was Dropped on his Head April 1st

Here are the facts about the accident that happened to Britney's baby:

Sean Preston fell April 1 as his nanny was lifting him from the high chair and something in the chair snapped.

He was examined by a doctor at home.

Britney and Kevin took him to the emergency six days later.

ER staff reported the incident to Child Welfare Authorities because that's what they are supposed to do with this type of incident.

Child welfare officials and a sheriff's deputy visited Britney Spears' home.

What did the personal physician advise the parents to do on the day of the accident? If the doctor concluded that the injury wasn't serious, why did the Federlines show up in the ER? Is the injury serious? Will kids in Sean's junior high school find this item in some archive and make jokes about it? These are serious questions.

More...

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Does Kevin Federline Actually Like His Own Music ?

I found this video of Kevin Federline sitting at a mixing console listening to his 'single' and telling himself how good it is while not being able to hide the embarassed look on his face.

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Spears Was On Will And Grace Last Night

"Okay, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. I'm not who you think I am. My real name is Peg, and I'm a hardcore lesbian."

So, rather than go over the top with a satirical stereotype of the religious right, the producers has Britney play a poser.

More...
Britney Spears

Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston is Performance Art

The smooth, half-heartedly realistic sculpture with the tacky bear rug and the generic naked female form is a prop. It is not the work of art. The act of naming it after a popular and controversial celebrity and an absolutely polarizing social issue is the art. It would not be a stretch to say that the predictable media onslaught and public outcry is the artists work as well, think of a painter who throws paint at the canvas; the action of the paint is out of his hands, but it is still his work, he has determined where and how it should land.

I think it will be interesting in the sexually prudish USA to see what euphemisms are used in describing the particulars of the sculpture. The news page I link to calls her genitals 'the opposite end'.

More...
Britney Spears

Britney Parties For Her Birthday

Britney Spears, who may or may not be pregnant, and Kevin were very much the happy couple during Britney's birthday celebration according to an onlooker

According to an onlooker “They didn’t leave each other’s side all night. They danced together – Britney was doing all her famous dance moves. Toward the end of the night, they were all over each other – kissing and hugging, having a great time.”

More...
Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

The Madonna Britney Kiss Explanation For 9 Year-olds

So, the explanation does not go like this:

Sometimes, when an old pop star with no artistic contribution to make meets a young pop star with no artistic contribution to make, they fall in love with publicity. When they kiss, a publicity stunt is born. They have to take precautions though, some celebrities have cooties.

Here's the real story...

Britney Spears
Madonna

Britney Spears May Be Pregnant Again

The ironically titled 'In Touch' magazine is reporting that Britney Spears told onlookers at a Malibu mall that she is pregnant.

More...

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Child Welfare Is Interested In Britney Spears

Pictures published in the New York Post and elsewhere on Tuesday showed Britney Spears at the wheel of her sport utility vehicle, holding her 5-month-old baby, Sean, on her lap.

Now we find out that a deputy paid a visit to Spears' home in Malibu to obtain "contact information" at the request of the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services.

Britney's first response to the issue has been to blame paparazzi for creating a horrifying situation where she was concerned for her babies safety. I would like to point out that in one of the pictures she has the driver's side window halfway down, that's not an indication that she was in the middle of a threatening situation.

Oh, and the above picture is fake, the incident portrayed in the picture never happened. It is intended as satire, and there is precedent that it doesn't have to be funny.

More...
Britney Spears
Michael Jackson

Britney Spears Risks Her Babies Life Because She Was Flustered By Photographers

Britney Spears has been photographed driving her SUV with her infant child in her lap. The vehicle is equipped with a driver's side airbag that has the potential to kill Sean Preston Federline if it was deployed by even a minor accident.

With a truck that roomy, how difficult could it be to get to the back and put the baby in a proper seat? Oh wait, then the paparazzi would have gotten pictures of Britney's droopy butt. She had no choice.

More, including her excuse...

Britney Spears
Sean Preston Federline

Britney Spears Guest Starring On 'Will and Grace'

Britney Spears will appear as a guest star on NBC’s “Will & Grace,” Access Hollywood has confirmed.

More...

Britney Spears

Sean Hayes

Press Slams Kevin Federline's 'Work'

Salon points out that an AP reporter (I think they report facts, not opinion) penned this: "Britney's husband's rap is 'incredibly horrible.'"

...and?

More...

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Spears Gets Roadside Assistance From Paparazzi

The paparazzi, who had been trailing Spears on a Los Angeles freeway, helped the pop star and her brother Bryan push their broken down Ferrari to the side of the road.

They then waited with Spears and her brother until authorities arrived.

Maybe the new California law has already caused a change in attitude among paparazzi. The relationship between celebrities and paparazzi is in fact a symbiotic one, I don't know why so many of the photographers had to act like parasites.

And what's with Britney and Kevin and their cars? Kevin's was famously towed last year. I think when you pay six figures for a car it should be somewhat dependable. Maybe they forget some of the intricate maintenance techniques, like putting gas in the tank.

More...

Britney Spears

Britney Spears Gets Hindu Blessing For Her Baby

Britney Spears makes her money by selling records to people. 900 million people in the world are Hindu. Britney had nice photos taken of her having her baby get a Hindu blessing. The Baptists and Shambalists will not get refunds for the Britney merchandise that they already bought. And pretending to be Hindu provides really great home decor options too.

Story...

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney's Future Ex-Husband Has Sweaty Palms On Paris Hilton At A Casino

I'm not sure whether to use reportedly or allegedly for this bit of gossip. Kevin Federline was um.. supposedly man handling Paris Hilton at some party celebrating some online gambling thing that has his father-in-law's name attached to it.

In a possibly related story, Britney Spears is out in public not wearing a wedding ring. Maybe it's being resized after losing all that weight. Or maybe she's well on her way to losing 150 lbs of dead weight called Kevin.

And what about Paris? If I was Kevin, my alibi would be that my hand went there while I was helping to hold the drunk skank up off the floor.

More...

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline
Paris Hilton