Arty Toxic Remix

There was this artist who lived nextdoor to my grandmother. The artist ended up in the hospital for awhile because she got intoxicated by the paint fumes. This video reminded me of that for some strange reason.

Hey, remember when Britney Spears was all Kabbalah, Kabbalah, Kabbalah, and then she had a brief stint of Hindu? Maybe when she clues in to how her recent behavior is affecting her reputation she should latch on to yet another religion. Maybe she could even get back to her Baptist roots. The artist who succumbed to paint fumes was a Buddist.

Another Celebrity Catfight

David Crosby is dishing out the dirt to Salon. He is no fan of Britney Spears. He asks:

Has Britney Spears ever given a benefit concert?

Personally, I think the gloves came off when he saw enough footage of Britney out drinking to conclude that she wasn't a viable source for his next liver transplant.

Britney Spears has made large contributions to charity. Here is an example, there are more.

Britney Spears

Judge Lisa Hart Cole's Prophecy

This is from only one short month ago:

Superior Court Judge Lisa Hart Cole said Britney Spears has “put her modern sexuality squarely, and profitably, before the public eye” and it would be unlikely for the magazine article to be found defamatory.

These words still ring true except for the squarely part...it's more of a triangle shape.

Don't Cry for Kevin Federline...

"I am good, I am great, you know ... just moving along, progressing and taking it all in stride."

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Message at Britney's Website

BritneySpears.com isn't an empty page anymore. She now has a slightly more longwinded and less lacey message than the one pictured above. Since she says Happy Holidays at the bottom, you can expect new content around the same time the last strand of Christmas lights gets taken down in the trailer park. That's sometime in April, I believe. My concise message will be taken down the second somebody from Britney Spears Productions asks me to to take it down.

Britney Spears Website Critique

The front page of BritneySpears.com has had a Stay tuned new website is in the works...message for several months. There are links at the footer that take you to a page selling you on the exclusive content that comes with a paid fanclub membership. This is bad business. It is transparent to me that the reason for having absolutely no free content is to imbue some value on whatever the paid members get. I would really be interested to hear from anybody who pays for what is promised:

Access to the exclusive fan club web site full of the latest news updates, photo galleries, contests, message boards, multimedia, and much more.

Britney Spears

Britney Spears Web Search Spike

I have been watching my stats very closely. It's a sad comment on human nature that as soon as Britney pulls her skirt back down, the traffic goes back down too. Lance Bass actually had a more pronounced spike in interest when he came out, of course that involved a starting point of virtually zero.

Britney Buys Bushels of Undies

It all makes sense now. The repeated publication of Britney's pubic area was starting to make me question her virtue. It turns out that she had simply run out of undies. This doesn't quite explain why she has been out on the town nearly every night. You can buy underwear online. Maybe Britney avoids the internet because she's afraid she will find out that the reason she ran out of panties is because Kevin accidentally packed them when he was leaving and that he is trying to sell them on eBay. Pictured below is the big white dot that Perez likes to put over Britney's stuff:





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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Spears to Sell House

Real Estate is HOT in Southern California. The $6.9 million house that Britney bought back in 2004 is reportedly going to list for $13.5 million. It is being said that the deal will liquidate about $5 million to be split up according to the prenup agreement rumored to be 80% for Britney and 20% for Kevin. The phrase 'time is money' is no doubt being said repeatedly in Brit's presence. During the two years these lovebirds lived in the house, it has been appreciating at about 8,000 a day. That is crazy. So if the house is still going up in value at that rate, it's like every day it isn't sold Britney has to give Kevin another $1,600. That is crazy sounding to me, but Kevin's lifestyle and budding career eat up way more bread than that.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

The Britney Sex Tape Story Without Numbers

I will not put any dollar values in this post because of crazy variation in the media today. Here's the story... Britney Spears is worth a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY. Kevin Federline is worth NUTTIN'. Now that they have split up, Kevin wants a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY from Britney. Before they got married, Britney got Kevin to sign a pre-nup that means Kevin will get SOME MONEY but not a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY.

Kevin is a big fat doo-doo head. He is reportedly saying that he will sell a home made sex tape starring Britney Spears and featuring Kevin Federline as a dumb ass with a penis for a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY, unless she pays him a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY.

I think that threatening to put hardcore footage of your babies' momma on the net is not a good way of looking out for the welfare of your children.

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Watch Kevin Federline Recieving His Notice

Kevin Federline was in Canada getting the star treatment from that nation's music station when he got a text message and read it on camera. He was visibly upset and it has been speculated that it was the moment that he was informed that Britney was filing for divorce.

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Spears to Divorce Kevin Federline

I feel sorry for these people, especially the children. But you have to remember that Britney makes a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY, so nobody is likely to experience much material hardship. And the lawyers, they will be able to feed their families through the winter. Everything is going to be OK.

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Britney Spears

Kevin Federline

Jerry Bruckheimer Gives Us What We Want...

...Kevin Federline getting punched in the stomach. Unfortunately, it's just play-acting on CSI. This is Kevin's acting debut and I commend him for going out and getting a real job to help support his growing family. I would be happy to see every primetime American television show cast Kevin for one episode and have him get punched. Is Will and Grace still on? I'd like to see Kevin get an ass-whoopin' on there.

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Parents Groups Are Upset That Britney Spears Makes Her Baby Wear ORANGE Hats

Once it became clear to Sean Preston that he was being taken out in public wearing a decidedly uncool hat, he lurched into action and freed himself from the fashion faux pas, tout de suite. Parents, just because they have to be dressed by others doesn't mean babies don't have certain fashion rights.

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Britney Spears

Britney Isn't Into Kabbalah Anymore

The spin coming from the Britney camp is that she is giving up Kabbalah to focus on her baby. Sources are saying that Kabbalah leaders were too pushy with her about donations. It was fashionable for Britney to be in the bracelet wearing mysticism, but she didn't want to make a huge commitment. She has to help support her husband until his music career takes off.

I think that promoting your religion as a celebrity trend isn't the best way to prosper long term; fashions change. Scientology has a better business model. The whole behavioral modification/ ego stroking dicotomy. If there was any actual truth to the tenates of Scientology, it would be unstoppable, but at it's core it is basically nuts.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline
Kabbalah
Scientology

Severe Cramps Cause Concern for Pregnant Britney Spears

Pregnant pop star Britney Spears had a bit of a scare recently after suffering from pregnancy related cramps.

There were similar problems during her first pregnancy.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Spears Has A Perfect Belly

If you want to join Harper readers in their stretch-mark-free fantasy world, look here. I really think the airbrushing and digital altering of postpartum celebrities contributes to the epidemic of teen pregnancies.

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

The Awesome Marriage of Kevin and Britney

I have an 'awesome' marriage. When either one of us goes out on errands alone, neighbors ask us where our 'sweety' is.

Kevin and Britney haven't been seen together for almost 80 days. Britney told Matt Lauer that her marriage is awesome. Britney blames her emotional state and every public misstep on the media.

My advice to Britney; there are 50 states and LA is only in one of them...MOVE.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Oops, I did it Again...

I got the focus of last week's Britney news totally wrong. Everyone else was talking about Britney almost falling down with Sean in her arms. And I didn't even use the word 'oops' in my story.

I will try to redeem myself. Salon reports that immediately after her stumble with a drink glass in one hand and a baby in the other, Britney exclaimed "This is why I need a gun."

Given the fact that she had her beverage in one hand and her spawn in the other, maybe it should have been "This is why I need a gun, and a third arm."

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Spears is Pregnant Again, Officially

Britney Spears made a 'suprise' announcement on David Letterman's show. Remember last month when I posted an entry announcing that Britney was pregnant? Yeah, that's the big news.

I'm using the wrong picture because it looks really good.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline