Who is the New Man in Britney's Life?

The creators of Wikipedia have warned against citing their site as a source of accurate information. I am too lazy to do research, so here is a link to the entry for Jonathan Rotem. It has been flagged as requiring cleanup to meet Wikipedia's quality standards. Sort of like how Britney requires cleanup to meet community standards. Maybe Mr. Rotem can take care of both problems. He is reportedly a clean AND sober person.

Is anyone else looking at the basic facts about this guy and drawing a parallel with Christina Aguilera's man? Maybe Britney is on the verge of growing up. It's noe too soon for the 24 year old woman either.

I Want to be Britney's Publicist

I think I can stop this crazy thing. The media circus, I mean...Britney Spears is not now, nor has she ever been a crazy thing. See, I would be great at this.

Seriously Britney, I have stuck with crappy dead end jobs for like ten years. I would not quit when the going got tough like your last publicist, or the one before that (oh, I guess she got fired).

Britney Should Sell a CD of Her Burping, it would go GOLD

Britney Spears appeared in the number one celebrity viral video this year.

A clip of Spears belching and talking incoherently about time travel was viewed over 3 million times to take top spot according to ViralVideoChart.com. I think a Christmas album featuring Britney burping out classics like Jingle Bells and Silent Night would be a great stocking stuffer.

Live TV footage of Kevin Federline apparently getting a text message informing him the pop singer had filed for divorce was second with nearly 2 million hits. Many of the websites and blogs featuring this video used an imaginary text message for thier title. Some were funny and some were really lame. I'm guessing that the actual message was really lame.

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Arty Toxic Remix

There was this artist who lived nextdoor to my grandmother. The artist ended up in the hospital for awhile because she got intoxicated by the paint fumes. This video reminded me of that for some strange reason.

Hey, remember when Britney Spears was all Kabbalah, Kabbalah, Kabbalah, and then she had a brief stint of Hindu? Maybe when she clues in to how her recent behavior is affecting her reputation she should latch on to yet another religion. Maybe she could even get back to her Baptist roots. The artist who succumbed to paint fumes was a Buddist.

Another Celebrity Catfight

David Crosby is dishing out the dirt to Salon. He is no fan of Britney Spears. He asks:

Has Britney Spears ever given a benefit concert?

Personally, I think the gloves came off when he saw enough footage of Britney out drinking to conclude that she wasn't a viable source for his next liver transplant.

Britney Spears has made large contributions to charity. Here is an example, there are more.

Britney Spears

Judge Lisa Hart Cole's Prophecy

This is from only one short month ago:

Superior Court Judge Lisa Hart Cole said Britney Spears has “put her modern sexuality squarely, and profitably, before the public eye” and it would be unlikely for the magazine article to be found defamatory.

These words still ring true except for the squarely part...it's more of a triangle shape.

Don't Cry for Kevin Federline...

"I am good, I am great, you know ... just moving along, progressing and taking it all in stride."

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Message at Britney's Website

BritneySpears.com isn't an empty page anymore. She now has a slightly more longwinded and less lacey message than the one pictured above. Since she says Happy Holidays at the bottom, you can expect new content around the same time the last strand of Christmas lights gets taken down in the trailer park. That's sometime in April, I believe. My concise message will be taken down the second somebody from Britney Spears Productions asks me to to take it down.

Britney Spears Website Critique

The front page of BritneySpears.com has had a Stay tuned new website is in the works...message for several months. There are links at the footer that take you to a page selling you on the exclusive content that comes with a paid fanclub membership. This is bad business. It is transparent to me that the reason for having absolutely no free content is to imbue some value on whatever the paid members get. I would really be interested to hear from anybody who pays for what is promised:

Access to the exclusive fan club web site full of the latest news updates, photo galleries, contests, message boards, multimedia, and much more.

Britney Spears

Britney Spears Web Search Spike

I have been watching my stats very closely. It's a sad comment on human nature that as soon as Britney pulls her skirt back down, the traffic goes back down too. Lance Bass actually had a more pronounced spike in interest when he came out, of course that involved a starting point of virtually zero.

Britney Buys Bushels of Undies

It all makes sense now. The repeated publication of Britney's pubic area was starting to make me question her virtue. It turns out that she had simply run out of undies. This doesn't quite explain why she has been out on the town nearly every night. You can buy underwear online. Maybe Britney avoids the internet because she's afraid she will find out that the reason she ran out of panties is because Kevin accidentally packed them when he was leaving and that he is trying to sell them on eBay. Pictured below is the big white dot that Perez likes to put over Britney's stuff:





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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Spears to Sell House

Real Estate is HOT in Southern California. The $6.9 million house that Britney bought back in 2004 is reportedly going to list for $13.5 million. It is being said that the deal will liquidate about $5 million to be split up according to the prenup agreement rumored to be 80% for Britney and 20% for Kevin. The phrase 'time is money' is no doubt being said repeatedly in Brit's presence. During the two years these lovebirds lived in the house, it has been appreciating at about 8,000 a day. That is crazy. So if the house is still going up in value at that rate, it's like every day it isn't sold Britney has to give Kevin another $1,600. That is crazy sounding to me, but Kevin's lifestyle and budding career eat up way more bread than that.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

The Britney Sex Tape Story Without Numbers

I will not put any dollar values in this post because of crazy variation in the media today. Here's the story... Britney Spears is worth a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY. Kevin Federline is worth NUTTIN'. Now that they have split up, Kevin wants a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY from Britney. Before they got married, Britney got Kevin to sign a pre-nup that means Kevin will get SOME MONEY but not a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY.

Kevin is a big fat doo-doo head. He is reportedly saying that he will sell a home made sex tape starring Britney Spears and featuring Kevin Federline as a dumb ass with a penis for a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY, unless she pays him a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY.

I think that threatening to put hardcore footage of your babies' momma on the net is not a good way of looking out for the welfare of your children.

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Watch Kevin Federline Recieving His Notice

Kevin Federline was in Canada getting the star treatment from that nation's music station when he got a text message and read it on camera. He was visibly upset and it has been speculated that it was the moment that he was informed that Britney was filing for divorce.

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Spears to Divorce Kevin Federline

I feel sorry for these people, especially the children. But you have to remember that Britney makes a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY, so nobody is likely to experience much material hardship. And the lawyers, they will be able to feed their families through the winter. Everything is going to be OK.

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Britney Spears

Kevin Federline

Jerry Bruckheimer Gives Us What We Want...

...Kevin Federline getting punched in the stomach. Unfortunately, it's just play-acting on CSI. This is Kevin's acting debut and I commend him for going out and getting a real job to help support his growing family. I would be happy to see every primetime American television show cast Kevin for one episode and have him get punched. Is Will and Grace still on? I'd like to see Kevin get an ass-whoopin' on there.

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Parents Groups Are Upset That Britney Spears Makes Her Baby Wear ORANGE Hats

Once it became clear to Sean Preston that he was being taken out in public wearing a decidedly uncool hat, he lurched into action and freed himself from the fashion faux pas, tout de suite. Parents, just because they have to be dressed by others doesn't mean babies don't have certain fashion rights.

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Britney Spears

Britney Isn't Into Kabbalah Anymore

The spin coming from the Britney camp is that she is giving up Kabbalah to focus on her baby. Sources are saying that Kabbalah leaders were too pushy with her about donations. It was fashionable for Britney to be in the bracelet wearing mysticism, but she didn't want to make a huge commitment. She has to help support her husband until his music career takes off.

I think that promoting your religion as a celebrity trend isn't the best way to prosper long term; fashions change. Scientology has a better business model. The whole behavioral modification/ ego stroking dicotomy. If there was any actual truth to the tenates of Scientology, it would be unstoppable, but at it's core it is basically nuts.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline
Kabbalah
Scientology

Severe Cramps Cause Concern for Pregnant Britney Spears

Pregnant pop star Britney Spears had a bit of a scare recently after suffering from pregnancy related cramps.

There were similar problems during her first pregnancy.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Spears Has A Perfect Belly

If you want to join Harper readers in their stretch-mark-free fantasy world, look here. I really think the airbrushing and digital altering of postpartum celebrities contributes to the epidemic of teen pregnancies.

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

The Awesome Marriage of Kevin and Britney

I have an 'awesome' marriage. When either one of us goes out on errands alone, neighbors ask us where our 'sweety' is.

Kevin and Britney haven't been seen together for almost 80 days. Britney told Matt Lauer that her marriage is awesome. Britney blames her emotional state and every public misstep on the media.

My advice to Britney; there are 50 states and LA is only in one of them...MOVE.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Oops, I did it Again...

I got the focus of last week's Britney news totally wrong. Everyone else was talking about Britney almost falling down with Sean in her arms. And I didn't even use the word 'oops' in my story.

I will try to redeem myself. Salon reports that immediately after her stumble with a drink glass in one hand and a baby in the other, Britney exclaimed "This is why I need a gun."

Given the fact that she had her beverage in one hand and her spawn in the other, maybe it should have been "This is why I need a gun, and a third arm."

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Spears is Pregnant Again, Officially

Britney Spears made a 'suprise' announcement on David Letterman's show. Remember last month when I posted an entry announcing that Britney was pregnant? Yeah, that's the big news.

I'm using the wrong picture because it looks really good.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Spears Did 'IT' Again, And Conception Was The Result

It is being widely reported today that Britney Spears is pregnant with her second child. The source being quoted is actually saying that she is 100% pregnant. This stupid statement clearly comes from a close friend of the pop star.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Spears' Son was Dropped on his Head April 1st

Here are the facts about the accident that happened to Britney's baby:

Sean Preston fell April 1 as his nanny was lifting him from the high chair and something in the chair snapped.

He was examined by a doctor at home.

Britney and Kevin took him to the emergency six days later.

ER staff reported the incident to Child Welfare Authorities because that's what they are supposed to do with this type of incident.

Child welfare officials and a sheriff's deputy visited Britney Spears' home.

What did the personal physician advise the parents to do on the day of the accident? If the doctor concluded that the injury wasn't serious, why did the Federlines show up in the ER? Is the injury serious? Will kids in Sean's junior high school find this item in some archive and make jokes about it? These are serious questions.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Does Kevin Federline Actually Like His Own Music ?

I found this video of Kevin Federline sitting at a mixing console listening to his 'single' and telling himself how good it is while not being able to hide the embarassed look on his face.

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Spears Was On Will And Grace Last Night

"Okay, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. I'm not who you think I am. My real name is Peg, and I'm a hardcore lesbian."

So, rather than go over the top with a satirical stereotype of the religious right, the producers has Britney play a poser.

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Britney Spears

Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston is Performance Art

The smooth, half-heartedly realistic sculpture with the tacky bear rug and the generic naked female form is a prop. It is not the work of art. The act of naming it after a popular and controversial celebrity and an absolutely polarizing social issue is the art. It would not be a stretch to say that the predictable media onslaught and public outcry is the artists work as well, think of a painter who throws paint at the canvas; the action of the paint is out of his hands, but it is still his work, he has determined where and how it should land.

I think it will be interesting in the sexually prudish USA to see what euphemisms are used in describing the particulars of the sculpture. The news page I link to calls her genitals 'the opposite end'.

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Britney Spears

Britney Parties For Her Birthday

Britney Spears, who may or may not be pregnant, and Kevin were very much the happy couple during Britney's birthday celebration according to an onlooker

According to an onlooker “They didn’t leave each other’s side all night. They danced together – Britney was doing all her famous dance moves. Toward the end of the night, they were all over each other – kissing and hugging, having a great time.”

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

The Madonna Britney Kiss Explanation For 9 Year-olds

So, the explanation does not go like this:

Sometimes, when an old pop star with no artistic contribution to make meets a young pop star with no artistic contribution to make, they fall in love with publicity. When they kiss, a publicity stunt is born. They have to take precautions though, some celebrities have cooties.

Here's the real story...

Britney Spears
Madonna

Britney Spears May Be Pregnant Again

The ironically titled 'In Touch' magazine is reporting that Britney Spears told onlookers at a Malibu mall that she is pregnant.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Child Welfare Is Interested In Britney Spears

Pictures published in the New York Post and elsewhere on Tuesday showed Britney Spears at the wheel of her sport utility vehicle, holding her 5-month-old baby, Sean, on her lap.

Now we find out that a deputy paid a visit to Spears' home in Malibu to obtain "contact information" at the request of the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services.

Britney's first response to the issue has been to blame paparazzi for creating a horrifying situation where she was concerned for her babies safety. I would like to point out that in one of the pictures she has the driver's side window halfway down, that's not an indication that she was in the middle of a threatening situation.

Oh, and the above picture is fake, the incident portrayed in the picture never happened. It is intended as satire, and there is precedent that it doesn't have to be funny.

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Britney Spears
Michael Jackson

Britney Spears Risks Her Babies Life Because She Was Flustered By Photographers

Britney Spears has been photographed driving her SUV with her infant child in her lap. The vehicle is equipped with a driver's side airbag that has the potential to kill Sean Preston Federline if it was deployed by even a minor accident.

With a truck that roomy, how difficult could it be to get to the back and put the baby in a proper seat? Oh wait, then the paparazzi would have gotten pictures of Britney's droopy butt. She had no choice.

More, including her excuse...

Britney Spears
Sean Preston Federline

Britney Spears Guest Starring On 'Will and Grace'

Britney Spears will appear as a guest star on NBC’s “Will & Grace,” Access Hollywood has confirmed.

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Britney Spears

Sean Hayes

Press Slams Kevin Federline's 'Work'

Salon points out that an AP reporter (I think they report facts, not opinion) penned this: "Britney's husband's rap is 'incredibly horrible.'"

...and?

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Spears Gets Roadside Assistance From Paparazzi

The paparazzi, who had been trailing Spears on a Los Angeles freeway, helped the pop star and her brother Bryan push their broken down Ferrari to the side of the road.

They then waited with Spears and her brother until authorities arrived.

Maybe the new California law has already caused a change in attitude among paparazzi. The relationship between celebrities and paparazzi is in fact a symbiotic one, I don't know why so many of the photographers had to act like parasites.

And what's with Britney and Kevin and their cars? Kevin's was famously towed last year. I think when you pay six figures for a car it should be somewhat dependable. Maybe they forget some of the intricate maintenance techniques, like putting gas in the tank.

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Britney Spears

Britney Spears Gets Hindu Blessing For Her Baby

Britney Spears makes her money by selling records to people. 900 million people in the world are Hindu. Britney had nice photos taken of her having her baby get a Hindu blessing. The Baptists and Shambalists will not get refunds for the Britney merchandise that they already bought. And pretending to be Hindu provides really great home decor options too.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney's Future Ex-Husband Has Sweaty Palms On Paris Hilton At A Casino

I'm not sure whether to use reportedly or allegedly for this bit of gossip. Kevin Federline was um.. supposedly man handling Paris Hilton at some party celebrating some online gambling thing that has his father-in-law's name attached to it.

In a possibly related story, Britney Spears is out in public not wearing a wedding ring. Maybe it's being resized after losing all that weight. Or maybe she's well on her way to losing 150 lbs of dead weight called Kevin.

And what about Paris? If I was Kevin, my alibi would be that my hand went there while I was helping to hold the drunk skank up off the floor.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline
Paris Hilton

Britney Spear's New York Apartment Now 20% Off

The list price of the apartment that Britney Spears hasn't lived in since moving to Malibu with Kevin Federline dropped from $6 million to just under $5 million.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Is Britney Really The Worst Dressed Celebrity

Britney Spears topped Mr. Blackwell's 46th annual "Worst Dressed" list for wearing clothes that he said made her look like an "over-the-hill Lolita."

Britney Spears should thank the bitchin' dude for having her at the top of his list, it gets you more attention than being somewhere in the middle.

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Britney Spears

Mashup Of Britney Spears And Linkin Park

Something that is really starting to show up on Google Video is Anime Video of popular artist's songs.

Here's a cool mash up of Britney Spears and Linkin Park.

Britney Spears

Britney Spears: International Product Endorser

70% of the people who land on this page are American. Most of you probably don't know that your biggest stars shamelessly whore themselves out to the rest of the world in commercials. It's a great way to make LOTS of money without affecting your image in the American market.

Here is a cute commercial that Britney Spears did for a Japanese beverage.

Britney Spears

Kevin Federline tells Listeners That His Marriage Is Wonderful

Kevin Federline told Los Angeles radio host Ryan Seacrest that everything is "wonderful" between the himself and Britney Spears when he appeared on the presenter's daily show yesterday.

This was a real meeting of the minds. Hard questions were asked and well crafted answers were given. No, not really.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Britney Has Baby Out In Public On new Year's Eve

Britney Spears made an appearance at her favourite Malibu, California restaurant Moonshadows on New Year's Eve with baby Sean Preston.

Britney and her baby enjoyed a light lunch together overlooking the Pacific Ocean and the pop superstar seemed "very happy".

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Restaurant Reviews...

Britney Spears
Kevin Federline

Kevin Federline Going DIY With His Music

Britney Spears ' husband Kevin Federline will release his debut rap single himself after failing to find a label to invest in his talents.

Is there any possibility that his s*** is any good ? Anythings possible, but I couldn't be bothered upgrading my Flash to listen to it on his website.

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Britney Spears
Kevin Federline